Navigating the Aftermath of Growing Up with a Parent with Borderline Personality Disorder

Growing up with a parent who has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) can leave lasting emotional scars. For the adult children who have experienced the tumultuous rollercoaster of emotions, it's important to understand that you are not alone, and more importantly, it was never your fault.

Having a Parent with Borderline Personality Disorder

First and foremost, let's address the most crucial point: it was never your fault when your parent exploded. Children should never bear the burden of responsibility for their parent's emotional outbursts. No matter how chaotic or volatile the situation, remember that you were just a child trying to navigate an overwhelming environment.

parent with borderline personality disorder

For those who grew up in a two-parent household, it's natural to expect protection from the other adult figure present. However, if that protection wasn't provided, I want to express my deepest sympathies. Other adults, particularly your other parent, should have protected you. It's an undeniable truth that might be painful to confront, but acknowledging it is the first step towards healing.

Anger, undoubtedly, is a tricky emotion to grapple with. For those who witnessed constant emotional volatility, it's understandable that managing anger becomes a daunting task. But here's the silver lining: you can learn how to work through anger in healthier, more productive ways. Therapy, mindfulness practices, and self-awareness are powerful tools that can help you navigate the complexities of this emotion.

Trusting your intuition might feel like an uphill battle. When your environment constantly invalidated your feelings or made you doubt yourself, it's natural to struggle with trusting your gut instincts. But please know that trusting yourself is a journey, one that takes time and patience. Be gentle with yourself as you relearn to listen to your inner voice.

Furthermore, growing up in an environment where emotions were either ignored or seen as threats can lead to a tendency to intellectualize stressors. Detaching from your emotions might have been a survival mechanism, but it's essential to reconnect with your emotional self. Checking in with yourself throughout the day and acknowledging your emotions is a small yet significant step towards reclaiming your emotional well-being.

Healing from the aftermath of growing up with a parent with BPD is a complex journey. It requires patience, self-compassion, and a willingness to confront painful truths. Remember, you are not defined by your past, and your experiences do not dictate your future. With the right support and resources, you can navigate through the shadows of your upbringing and emerge stronger, more resilient, and capable of building the fulfilling life you deserve.

In conclusion, to all the adult children of parents with Borderline Personality Disorder: Your journey is valid, your feelings are valid, and your healing is valid. You are worthy of love, understanding, and support. Keep moving forward, one step at a time, knowing that you are not alone in this journey towards healing and self-discovery.

Torie Wiksell, LMFT

Online therapist, Torie Wiksell, LMFT, specializes in working with adult children of parents with borderline and narcissistic personality disorders. She is passionate about helping her clients learn healthy ways to navigate life’s challenges, improve their mental health, and live a happier life.

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